Rebel hearts + path creators LOVE my Substack; join the community + the expansion.
THE VIBE:
"The personal life deeply lived always expands into truths beyond itself." — Anaïs Nin
What if the thing you’ve been craving, calling in, manifesting—is not what you think you need?
What if the very thing you need… is you?
Not parts of you. Not performance you. Not the identity you’ve constructed to feel safe.
The parts of you you haven’t met yet. The shades of you you’ve been avoiding. The essence of you waiting to be embraced.
Let me explain.
In this first of four essays exploring Self-intimacy, I want to introduce you to the foundation that makes true Self-love possible.
As a deeply introspective woman all my life, with my writing as a portal to all the parts of me, I've learned that something fundamental is essential to our vitality, our ability to love, respect, and trust ourselves. It's not as simple as doing a mirror work, doing the courses, reading affirmations, etc.; it's much more meaningful, complex, and requires all of you.
THE FOUNDATION WE'VE BEEN MISSING
Self-love has saturated our culture—from Instagram quotes to bestselling books to wellness retreats. We're told to love ourselves fiercely, to prioritize ourselves boldly, and to accept ourselves exactly as we are.
I'm a massive advocate for this superpower quality because true Self-love is revolutionary and absolutely necessary for us to thrive and evolve on our highest path. But— and this is a big, deep- pause and get ready- but: there's a huge piece missing that must be built before we can step into the mastery of Self-love.
The missing piece is Self-intimacy. It is the environment where we can forge a relationship with the entirety of our Being that allows us to move into Self-love.
Something I've observed in my work with thousands of women is that most struggle with Self-love not because they don't want it but because they're trying to build a house without a foundation. They have yet to develop true Self-intimacy.
The truth is, most have a hard time with Self-love because we haven't forged the home it lives in yet. This leads to deep frustration and a sense of "not doing enough or doing it right."
Think about it: How can you truly love someone you don't really know? How can you trust someone you haven't spent quality time with– through the fun times AND especially the hard times? How can you feel confident in someone whose depths you've never explored?
You can't.
"At the center of your being, you have the answer; you know who you are, and you know what you want." — Lao Tzu
WHAT SELF-INTIMACY TRULY MEANS
Self-intimacy is the art of developing a deep, honest relationship with yourself—not just the parts that shine in the light but also the shadows, your strengths, your wounds, your certainties, and your questions.
It's sitting with your thoughts without immediately trying to change them. It's feeling your emotions without judging them as good or bad. It's exploring your desires without questioning whether you deserve them. It's witnessing your patterns with curiosity rather than criticism. It's creating the same safe, non-judgmental, invested, honest home within yourself that you'd create for someone you deeply love.
"The real journey of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes." — Marcel Proust
When you develop true Self-intimacy, something alchemical happens. You start to recognize parts of yourself you've been pushing away. You begin to hear the whispers of your intuition that have always been there but were drowned out by everyone else's opinions. You discover resources within you that have been waiting to be acknowledged and expressed. You learn how to Self-soothe when life is kicking your ass.
Self-intimacy gives you the courage and compassion to face all parts of yourself because understanding your whole being becomes more important than protecting yourself from what you might find. From this place of genuine Self-acknowledgment, real, unconditional Self-love becomes not just possible but inevitable. Not the superficial kind that depends on achievement or approval, but the kind that remains steady through all your experiences.
“You are worthy of your own devotion.” – xRx
WHY THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING
The people I've seen move through life with genuine power and an unforgettable presence aren't the ones who have all the answers. They're the ones who dare to sit with the questions. The ones who don't just observe their thoughts or emotions but actively engage with them. The ones who don't just seek knowledge but also cultivate a relationship with themselves. They have a strong sense of knowing who they are, and it speaks in the frequency of humility and confidence. This is Self-intimacy in motion.
True intimacy, whether with another person or with yourself, requires genuine curiosity, presence, vulnerability, and deep trust.
THE BEST PART
When you build true Self-intimacy, you stop fearing yourself. When you stop fearing yourSelf, the whole world opens up to you as an entirely different experience.
You don’t turn away from your emotions, desires, power, and voice. You set yourself up to truly know, love, respect, and trust yourself. You're not afraid to be wrong because your worth isn't tied to perfection. Your inner critic loses its grip on you because you've built a relationship with yourself rooted in compassion rather than judgment. You move through life with genuine curiosity because you understand that this entire life journey is about getting to know who you truly are in every capacity, setting, and experience.
Self-intimacy is the missing piece between struggle and flow, between seeking and finding, between knowing what you want and actually allowing yourself to have it.
In my next essay, I'll introduce you to one of my favorite rebellious and authentic creatives– A woman whose mastery of Self-intimacy created not just art that still resonates decades later but a life lived on her authentically exquisite terms. Her approach to knowing herself transformed everything—her creative expression, her relationships, her sense of purpose, and, ultimately, her legacy.
Because nothing outside of you can fulfill what only intimacy with yourself can provide. And the relationship you build with yourself becomes the blueprint for everything else you create.
Only then can true Self-love grow…
xRx
P.S. If this approach to Self-development resonates with you, I know you will LOVE my The Opulent Woman Circle This intimate, high-caliber space is where women come to develop Self-intimacy, master their evolution, deepen their Self-Trust, and embody the fullness of who they are. More details below.
🖤 The Opulent Woman Circle – Now on my Substack!
THE OPULENT WOMAN She is whole. She is intentional. She creates her life with autonomy, heart, and soul.
The Opulent Woman Circle is an intimate, high-caliber space inside my top Substack tier, where women come to master their evolution, deepen their Self-Trust, and embody the fullness of who they are.
This is not just a membership—it's an initiation into your next level.
Inside, you receive:
✨ Monthly live group mentorship calls—activations, breakthroughs, and embodiment work ✨ Guest expert sessions—psychology, vitality, relationships, creativity, and business ✨ The Roxy Files (private podcast)—raw, real, high-frequency transmissions ✨ The Heart Alchemy Writing Challenge—where self-discovery meets transformation ✨ A powerful, heart-led community of women devoted to Self-Mastery
Opulence isn't something you chase—it's something you claim. And when you claim it within, you meet it in your external reality.
🔥 Join the Opulent Woman Circle now on Substack → HERE
💛 Already a paid member? Upgrade to The Opulent Woman Circle for deeper access → HERE
"You're not afraid to be wrong because your worth isn't tied to perfection." - Definitely been feeling like now that I'm 'older' I'm not allowed to make mistakes anymore and every decision I make has to be 'right', no more wrong decisions. Not sure where this stems from, probably societal expectations that you have to have it all figured out by X amount of time otherwise what the hell have you been doing...gonna go out on a limb and call bullshit on that theory...so being able to not be afraid to be wrong is huge for me right now because no one is perfect, no one has it all figured out, life definitely shows us that every day, so I can still be learning and growing at the same time. Thanks Roxy.
"You're not afraid to be wrong because your worth isn't tied to perfection." - Definitely been feeling like now that I'm 'older' I'm not allowed to make mistakes anymore and every decision I make has to be 'right', no more wrong decisions. Not sure where this stems from, probably societal expectations that you have to have it all figured out by X amount of time otherwise what the hell have you been doing...gonna go out on a limb and call bullshit on that theory...so being able to not be afraid to be wrong is huge for me right now because no one is perfect, no one has it all figured out, life definitely shows us that every day, so I can still be learning and growing at the same time. Thanks Roxy.