When Parts Of Your Identity Become a Cage.
The first in a 4-part series on reimagining strength, releasing old roles, and letting yourself evolve.
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THE VIBE:
Part I of the “Evolving Strength” Series
What happens when the very thing that once gave us strength or helped us make massive progress in life begins to limit our capacity to grow?
I want to explore and unpack this concept today in Part One of this four-part series, Evolving Strength: when we realize our strengths aren’t always meant to stay fixed.
Sometimes, the next version of growth asks us to loosen our grip on who we’ve been and become something more. We must allow our expansion to lead us to new identity expressions and important experiences for our Soul’s evolution.
The Only Constant is Change
They say the only constant in life is change. And while that may be true, it’s rarely honored. Instead, there’s a natural pull toward the familiar—habits, roles, and ways of being that feel safe, not because they’re aligned with who we’re becoming, but because they’ve worked. They’ve offered protection. They’ve created belonging. They’ve brought success or stability. At least for a time. But there comes a time when the familiar no longer fits.
When independence starts to feel like isolation.
When being “the strong one” becomes an identity that quietly exhausts you.
When self-sufficiency begins to cost more than it gives.That’s not failure. That’s evolution.
Growth rarely looks like adding something new. More often, it looks like making space by releasing what’s no longer necessary. It requires flexibility. A willingness to bend, to adapt, to let go.
In this way, personal growth is less about improvement and more about allowing, like the clarity that results from a river’s constant motion. We, too, are meant to flow.
Like Einstein said:
“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.”
The Edge of Self-Sufficiency
Independence and Self-sufficiency are powerful.
They’re vital to living a Self-directed life.
Self-reliance is a standard over here.
For many, it’s more than strength—it’s survival.
A rite of passage.
Especially for those who had to grow up fast or navigate without steady support.
I know that kind of independence intimately.
It became my rhythm. My safety net.
But every strength has a shadow.
What once empowered us can quietly become resistance—to help, ease, and receive. Not from a lack of worth but from a survival instinct that equates safety with self-containment.
Even when support is available, it can feel unfamiliar.
Like there’s a threshold, we’re not quite allowed to cross.
This isn’t failure.
It’s the ripple effect of something that once made sense.
But what carried us through one season might not carry us into the next.
And eventually, even the most sacred strategies begin to bump against who we’re becoming.
That’s where growth begins—through strong Self-awareness and Self-intimacy.
Releasing a long-held pattern isn’t about rejecting who we’ve been.
It’s about making room for who we’re here to become.
There’s a paradox here: The traits that helped us survive one season may keep us from thriving in the next. Put simply, what got you here might not get you there.
Eventually, we’re invited to outgrow solo Self-sufficiency and lean into something more expansive: interdependence. The kind of strength that allows for support. That recognizes we don’t lose power when we allow new energy to come to us—we expand it.
Sometimes, the bravest thing an “independent” person can do is allow themselves to be supported. Not because they’re incapable but because they’re ready for a fuller life experience.
Trust me, I know.
Being independent is just one identity we internalize.
But it’s rarely the only one.
Over time, we gather identities like layers—
The one who shows up.
The one who holds it all together.
The one who doesn’t complain.
The one who always has a plan.
Each role is born from something real:
A need to feel safe.
To feel needed.
To feel in control.
To belong.
But even the most well-worn roles eventually start to feel too tight.
What once empowered us begins to restrict us.
What once gave us direction starts to define us.
Some identities even shape how we nourish ourselves.
We cling to ways of eating or living that once served us; even when our bodies or lives need something new.
That’s how tightly these patterns can hold on.
And that’s why growth asks us to loosen the grip.
Because we are not fixed.
We are not only what we’ve done.
We are allowed to change.
Lao Tzu said: “When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.”
Letting go of an identity—or a way of doing things—is not Self-abandonment.
It’s Self-honoring. It’s how we evolve into a fuller expression of who we really are.
What might you be ready to shed? What formerly supportive narrative, pattern, routine, or practice may be getting in the way of your growth?
The Practice of Growth
Real growth is not a single breakthrough—it’s a rhythm. A practice of movement. A willingness to change course as we evolve.
To be on a growth path is to stay open.
To update your beliefs.
To change your patterns.
To rest when you usually push.
To ask when you usually give.
Flexibility isn’t weakness. It’s wisdom.
It keeps us aligned, alive and connected to what’s real.
It doesn’t have to be dramatic.
Even subtle movement keeps you aligned.
Even small shifts in awareness:
a new question
a new boundary
a new softness
a new yes or a new no— can lead you to a profound + necessary transformation.
The Freedom in Letting Go
Eventually, growth asks us to release more than we hold. It calls us to surrender what no longer serves. To allow a previous version of ourselves to exit the building, not in shame, but in reverence.
This isn’t about losing yourself.
It’s about becoming more of who you truly are—beneath the armor, the roles, and the rules.
So take this with you: Growth is a sacred practice of loosening your grip.
Not because you’re backtracking but because you’re making room.
So now let me ask you: What part of your identity might be quietly keeping you small? What strength are you ready to evolve into something softer, deeper, more true?
There’s a cost to carrying everything alone.
But there’s a deeper cost in staying where you no longer belong.
In Part Two, I’ll move into the emotional terrain of growth—the vulnerability, friction, and discomfort that often signals you’re on your highest path.
xRx
PS. Self-intimacy is the first step in becoming a woman who moves through life with growth, sovereignty, presence, and unbreakable trust in herSelf. And that’s exactly what we cultivate inside The Opulent Woman Circle— details below.
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VIBE ❤️
Queen, this made me reflect back on my intense imprisonment with an eating disorder. All the years I spent sacrificing my life to be under its control for the facade of perfectionism, accomplishment and safety. When really all the eating disorder did was rob me of all my joy, dull my light and lead me towards a slow death.
Fully recovering, learning how to actually love myself and creating a REAL relationship with myself was the greatest growth I’ve ever had. I had to surrender, learn who I was and trust my heart to guide me into uncharted territory without the eating disorder as my savior.
Immense freedom arose within myself from owning my past and actually admiring who I’ve become.
“I don’t got no shame left baby that’s my freedom.”-Kesha: Only love can save us now.